I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
