Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
