So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
