Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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