He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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