How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
