Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
