Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
