her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
