normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
