i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
it was like eating out sand paper
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
