Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
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Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
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So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize