When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
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Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
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The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
i believe in u and ur pee
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize