I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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