He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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