I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
