my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
