Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
