have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Liz is crying about burritos again.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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