maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
