Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
