I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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