I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
drinking out of a sandbucket again
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
