worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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