Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
