my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
