Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
