Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
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When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
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I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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