Im at strip club and am horny
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Randomize
