Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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