Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
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Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
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Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
He did a backflip because drugs
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
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