so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
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Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
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that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
that may or may not have been my penis.
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