Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
