i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
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