I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
