Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
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