He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
