he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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