I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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