You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
