Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
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We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
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She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize