Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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