I accidentally burped into my bong.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
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It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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