woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
