mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize