You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I wish i was in the wii world.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
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Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
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Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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