don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
