I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
nutella sex= disaster
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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