mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
