Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
