gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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