On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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