He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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