im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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