I heard we made out
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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