All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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