someone threw a dead crab at me
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
