Will you blow on my dice?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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