It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
